The Kingdom vs. The Natural

Kaitlyn had a rough night struggling with her breathing. This morning they called us as we were getting ready to go to Lauryn's preschool Christmas concert. They decided to reinterbate her and told us that she was stable enough for us to go to Lauryn's concert. Once we got to the school the doctor called again to say that Kaitlyn was deteriorating and the ENT surgeon required consent to do whatever it takes to save her.

Kaitlyn came out of surgery at about 1pm today. However, the doctor said that there were major complications. This time they had to use a lazer to cut out some scar tissue in her trachea. The ENT described her trachea as a an hour glass shape. Kaitlyn was born with a narrowing and a floppy trachea. In the narrowed area the trachea was collapsing in and out as she breathed. This caused a web of scar tissue was to form. The ENT had to remove this scar tissue cauterising as he worked...a piece of tissue fell down causing a blocked airway. Kaitlyn flatlined for 9 minutes during which they performed chest compressions, however they could not find a pulse to indicate that her heart was able to pump sufficient oxygen around her body. This means her brain may have suffered some injury. We don't know the extent of that damage. They have done an ultrasound on her brain, no significant damage has been found however some damage may not be evident except through watching her development...we're claiming the word PERFECTION still...

We decided to eat lunch and again got a call from the hospital to say that Kaitlyn was continuing to deteriorate. The doctors called us in for a meeting to discuss Kaitlyn's care in careful consideration of her recent setback and her continuing health complications.

When Kaitlyn went into surgery, once again I placed her in God's loving arms, and I felt God tell me that even when she's in our arms...that she is still in His loving arms. I think God was just stretching my vision.

Once again we find ourselves at a crossroad where our faith is stretched to the max. The doctors have given us the choice to go to the Canuck's Hospice and allow Kaitlyn to pass away in peace. The other option is to have her exterbated on Sunday and see whether she can breath on her own. Although the ENT can not predict the outcome he feels that this is can be a cycle where the scar tissue continues to form...so they are asking us when is enough enough. Both Paul and I are struggling with this decision.

The Chaplain at the hospital has been a part of all our big meetings, both today and that previous Friday when we had the big scare. She reframed things for us a little differently and said that God gives and takes breath. She also said that doctors give artificial breath. So we have to discern whether we are doing more than God...she also said that going to the Hospice can be a gift...I don't know if I agree with the latter perspective...I don't know when death is a gift...but her first perspective definitely gave me something to think about. I guess we need to discern whether this is a losing battle and whether continuing the fight is really taking control over the situation vs. my previous perspective that the decision to take her life is being in control...I'm glad that God is God because these decisions sure are hard.

Pastor Steve came by just to talk to us and support us. Clara and I have decided not to intervene again if something were to happen to Kaitlyn. Our poor little girl has gone through so much already in the past month. However, please continue to contend for full healing and restoration.

Please pray for us, we need wisdom, discernment to hear God's voice during this difficult and critical time.