We are all Heaven Bound

I've been waking up at early hours of the morning to pump. I was expressing milk for Kaitlyn but now I'm trying to stop production...it's at these early hours of the morning that I have been thinking and writing. I have many more thoughts I would like to share, however, I haven't had the time to post them as we have also been busy deciding on how we wanted to take care of Kaitlyn's body. I hope that you will continue to follow Kaitlyn's story as God is continuing to speak to me. Kaitlyn has impacted me in such a way that what was a drought in my life is now a floodgate of revelation.

We know that our citizenship is in Heaven. I remember having a conversation once about what the big deal was about Heaven. It was like talking about a trip to some foreign county I knew nothing about. But since then life has been like one of those Lonely Planet guides. Through our experiences God reveals Himself if we are willing to hear and see. These revelations should lead us to ponder about and eventually yearn for Heaven where we spend all eternity with God.

That week Pastor Steve had come to speak to us. It was the day after Kaitlyn smiled at him. I was tired and my glasses were irritating my nose. I took them off but when I looked back up at Pastor Steve I couldn't hear him clearly. I have to explain that I am profoundly deaf in my left ear so when there is surrounding noise it helps me to read lips. Later God spoke to me through this to say that as much as I am seeking to hear His voice, I need to look to Him too.

On Kaitlyn's last day I kept looking at the monitor to check how her heart was doing. I kept looking for signs of the promise of life. I had to be sure. You can ask Linda if you have the pleasure of meeting her. I kept asking her over and over whether she thought that Kaitlyn's numbers were stabilizing. Because the nurses had told me to look to see what Kaitlyn was telling me I began to entertain doubt and confusion. As the Rock wore off and she began to open her eyes and move I began to think, maybe she's telling us she still has the strength to keep going. Throughout the day I was filled with anxiety and stress. Then I remembered what God had spoken to me about. To keep my eyes on Him. Not only to try hear His voice for direction but to look to Him only. I had to take my eyes off the numbers, I had to take my eyes off my little Kaitlyn and look to Him.

We have faith and peace that Kaitlyn is in Heaven. I chose the name Kaitlyn because it meant, `pure'. At first I chose this because even if she had Trisomy 21, I wanted to speak this word over her life, that she is pure; perfect.

I believe that God gave Kaitlyn a special assignment. It was short and she fulfilled it. For some of us we have to spend a lifetime searching for God or working out our salvation. But God allowed Kaitlyn to remain pure as a babe and complete her mission. This mission was simply to touch the lives of many...that Christ's glorious light may shine and lead people a little bit closer to home, to Him. Sometimes in our search for truth and identity we overthink things and get frustrated or feel lost but it's usually simpler than we think. We just have to keep our eyes on Christ. He is always about relationship and He always touches people's lives in big and small ways. I know that Kaitlyn's spirit and all that God is doing has touched the lives of many.